Confessions of a Bonus Mom
God knows that when we stretch, we grow. I’m guessing that’s why He has given me plenty of opportunities to stretch since I became a bonus mom!
Michael was 10, Christopher 18, and David 20 when I started dating their dad, Don, in 2019. When Don and I married a year later, I officially became part of the Fontes family.
Given the brothers’ strained relationship with their biological mother, it was exciting and refreshing for them (though probably a little weird at first) to suddenly have a female in the house and a new mom figure in their lives.
It was exciting and refreshing for me, too. And it was hard work. Although the boys weren’t small anymore, they required, and still require, some extra love and support, given the problematic family dynamics.
Another thing is that Christopher has severe autism, which means he regularly needs help, engagement, and supervision. He has been needing even more care from his dad and me since he fell ill with a life-threatening swallowing disorder in 2021. He barely pulled through and has been in recovery ever since. These photos are from before he got sick: his throat condition caused him to lose 80 lbs. in just six months.
Yes, taking on the role of a bonus mom has come with its transitions and challenges!
(By the way, that God would lead me into the life of three brothers with unique and special needs—me, a fiercely independent businesswoman in her late forties who had never raised kids of her own—is plain ironic. It’s proof to me that our Creator has a sense of humor!)
Becoming part of a new family meant suddenly having opinions, preferences, and schedules to consider other than my own (imagine that!). It meant making time for school graduations, movie nights, Christmas dances, Easter egg hunts, birthdays (there seems to always be one around the corner), Father’s Day, Mother’s Day…
Not to mention school pickups and drop-offs, frisbee and catch and ping-pong games, outings to the pool and the beach, and, as of the past couple of years, cheering on Michael at his basketball tournaments. (Much to our excitement, our little Michael has become a rising star both on his high school team and his YMCA team, the latter being masterfully coached by Dad.)
Oh, and laundry for five people…? Don’t get me started. :-)
I’m thankful for it all, though. I love pouring into these three very deserving young men. As time has passed, I’ve realized that they are my most important ministry—more important than anything I’m involved with outside the home.
I also like to think they’re keeping me young.
Case in point, during my inaugural season as a bonus mom, I regularly joined the three of them on water slides at Soak City and roller coaster rides at Knott’s Berry Farm. Although I’m currently taking a break from activities involving flying through the air while hanging upside-down, my comeback is anticipated.
I also vividly remember one time during the pandemic when we stopped at a beach on our way back to L.A. from Santa Barbara. Because of COVID, all Southern California beaches had been shut down. However, the beaches in Santa Barbara remained open to the public, so we would drive there to escape cabin fever. The gorgeous coastal city, located a couple hours’ drive north from our home in L.A., became a true haven for our family during the lockdowns.
I usually prefer to relax on shore on a towel, where it’s warm and dry. But that day, Michael, who has never met a wave he doesn’t like, wouldn’t stop bugging me to join the rest of them in the ocean.
So, eventually, I decided I would take the plunge (quite literally). To this day, I’m not sure what got into me, but I sprinted into the ocean, threw myself in the surf, and let the current carry me and toss me around while I laughed and screamed like a little girl.
To everyone’s surprise, including my own, I played in the waves with the boys for almost two hours until my eyes burned from the seawater.
It was fantastic. I felt decades younger and incredibly alive.
Oh yes, my life today as a bonus mom is vastly different from the one I knew as a single career woman…
But it’s a joyful one.
By no means have I done everything perfectly as I’ve embarked upon learning to parent later in life. Fortunately, since the day Don first introduced me to them, David, Christopher, and Michael have welcomed me into their lives with open arms. And they’ve continued to be incredibly gracious to me and forgiving of my mistakes.
What a precious gift God has given me in the form of this threesome. It’s for good reason I call them my Bonus Blessings!
L.B.
Are you a parent or a stepparent? Got any tips or advice for this new bonus mom? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!
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