God's Key to Emotional Healing: How Friendship Can Help Heal Emotional Wounds
Isn't it funny how, if we've injured an arm or a leg, we have no problem accepting the fact that the limb isn't going to be restored back to health overnight? But when it comes to emotional wounds, it seems we so often want to rush the healing process. The last thing we want to hear is that it's going to take time to get better!
Yes, people do bounce back. People can change.
But just as to recover from bodily pain, we need to follow God's remedy for physical injuries (medication, surgery, therapy, etc.), we likewise need to follow God's prescription for emotional wounds for some time if we are to experience emotional healing!
To get on the road to emotional recovery, we must first admit that we’re helpless and surrender all our broken pieces to God.
That's where it starts. Emotional healing begins with humbling ourselves before the Lord. We must be willing to let God guide us through the steps to becoming whole again.
It almost certainly also means involving other humans in the process. That’s usually our next action step, and it, too, requires humility.
Did you know it has been scientifically proven that when you caress or hold the hand of a loved one who is physically hurting, their physical pain level goes down?* I find that so fascinating!
But it makes sense because God created us for relationships!
And Christian relationships are meant to be more than merely a context for ministry or church activities. God's people are to be channels of His grace: God wants to dispense grace to us, His children, through other members of the church body.
From the pen of the late Charles Spurgeon:
"Some Christians try to go to heaven alone, in solitude. But believers are not compared to bears or lions or other animals that wander alone. Those who belong to Christ are sheep in this respect, that they love to get together. Sheep go in flocks, and so do God's people."*
Isn't that so true! The Bible constantly refers to God's people as "sheep"! :-)
By the way, I can so relate to what Spurgeon says here. Although today, I enjoy rich friendships with several other ladies who love the Lord, this hasn't always been the case. For much of my Christian life, I tried to grow in isolation. Any relationships I had with fellow believers were only surface-deep.
At the time, I didn't fully realize what was available to me within the Christian community. And I was heavily influenced by our culture's individualism and didn't understand the value of doing life together. Getting close to others seemed too emotionally risky, not to mention time-consuming.
My experience probably isn't unique. On the Lord's Day, when someone at church asks how we're doing, we're quick to shoot back, almost without thinking, "I'm fine. How are you?" It's our preprogrammed response. But how often do we talk about how we really feel?
Of course, the automatic "How are you?" is usually nothing more than a formality leading to small talk. And sticking to small talk is the perfect way to avoid being vulnerable. By acting like everything's always fine, we give ourselves permission to stay the way we are. We don't have to embark on the difficult process of changing.
But this isn't GOD's way. God wants us to keep growing all our lives. We're never done.
If we want to heal emotional wounds, we have to be willing to be authentic. "Confess your sins to one another," says James 5:16, "and pray for one another so that you may be healed."
As we see from this scripture, one big advantage of opening up is that others can pray for us in specific terms. This, in turn, can help bring about emotional healing.
Also, what's so encouraging is that when we stop stuffing our feelings and instead bring them into the light, we return to God's original design for human relationships! Just think about how Adam and Eve related to one another in the Garden before the Fall. The two lived in perfect harmony. Their relationship was transparent and vulnerable.
Only when sin entered the world through their disobedience did the couple’s ability to communicate begin to suffer. Only then did they start hiding, posturing, blame-shifting, and covering up (figuratively and literally).
In closing, let's remind ourselves that God's work in us is a life-long process. It involves us learning, messing up, confessing our sins, turning from them, and progressing in holiness and wholeness over time.
The oh-so-good news is that God has promised to complete the good work He started in us (Philippians 1:6)!
In the meantime, until we get to that point, there will be plenty of times when we'll experience disappointments and setbacks in the growth process.
And this is when you and I need sisters who can rally around us and lift us up. Sisters who will plant our feet firmly upon God's rock-solid promises to us and cheer us on our journey toward spiritual maturity and emotional healing.
Do you have these kinds of friendships in your life? If not, won't you ask for God's help to start building them today?
L.B.
Any thoughts on the topics of Christian friendship, vulnerability, or how to heal emotional wounds? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below!
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*Sources:
Holding Hands Is Natural Pain Relief | by Dana G Smith
Charles Spurgeon quote (azquotes.com)
